At some point or even at several points in one’s life one will ask or be asked the question : “ Did you ever imagine your life would turn out the way it has? “ I don’t know what the statistics are but there are a few responses one could have. If one is fortunate enough to have had goals in mind, planned them meticulously and been able to bring them to fruition, hats off to those select individuals. Others may have gone where the wind has taken them and been perfectly happy with the outcome. Those with plans may…
Belinda
Fact, Fantasy or Fiction?
Well, it certainly isn’t Fiction. In fact, it’s too mind-numbingly tedious to be anything other than my own sad, sorry tale , best kept to myself and for myself. The Fact is this: I am so terrified, so filled with fear and self-loathing that I dare not think beyond the notion that I am attending my first therapy appointment tomorrow. It is the first positive thing I have done recently in the attempt to rid myself of this scourge that has blighted me all of my life but never worse than it’s been of late. I have little hope and…
CLOUDY LEMONADE
The old adage ‘ When life gives you lemons, make lemonade ‘ may hold true and for some, they have the ability to turn things around and find the positives in every situation. Sadly, for this melancholic pessimist, things have never looked or felt worse and today, I find myself wanting to simply weep. I feel so desperately low and unable to do anything other than perfunctory tasks , mindless meandering and merely breathing as a way of existence. I start therapy next week. I have waited months and months for this appointment after fruitless searching and research , being…
Same old, same old
I can scarcely believe that it’s been 10 months since my last post. So much has been happening in my life and not in a good way either. I have not only moved house but I have moved into another area, outside of London where I lived these past 11 years. We have moved into a 523 year old house, on what must be the busiest road in the entire UK – We had no idea that it is the only route to towns and villages west of us and the noise is constant and incessant. Because the house is…
Still on the Road
Here I am, a month since my last posting and no further along the track but still very firmly on the road. I have been beset by setbacks. Would you believe that the pain that I was experiencing and wrote about is not only still very apparent and persistent but that I have an added problem to deal with – namely the ongoing teeth saga that I mentioned. I have known for some time that there is an area above my front tooth that was a disaster waiting to happen. Its a cyst that has formed at the base of…
3 Weeks Along
I haven’t written anything these past days due to the most pernicious , continual headaches borne out of the injury at the top of my spine. I have had days of utter despair to disbelief that I am constantly bombarded by issues that I feel are so unjust and unfair. I have rallied against evil forces at work , become a victim feeling sorry for myself – I have vented to God all my disappointment and disbelief that He is doing nothing to help me. I have gone around in circles trying to find justification both in my responses and…
In Blissful Ignorance
Don’t you just love this time of day? Those seconds when your eyes haven’t fully opened, that interlude between sleeping and awakening, when your senses are still dormant and full awareness hasn’t reached your consciousness yet. In this moment in time, as brief as it may be, there is no grief, no pain, no anxiety, no grasp yet of one’s actual reality and one can luxuriate in this gift of the day for whatever length is afforded to one. Sometimes the reluctance to leave this ethereal, celestial base is both figuratively and literally painful and I envy those for whom…
An Ounce of Sense
Two weeks in and I am inching along, literally ounce by ounce. My first thought was to write that I have ONLY put on 0.4 kgs this past week but I am going to change that to state that I have regained nearly half a kilogram and a total of 1.7 kgs in 2 weeks since I started this challenge. Instead of beating myself up for not having gained more, I am going to be happy and grateful that the scale is upwardly mobile and is climbing in the right direction. I may be slow to reach the summit but…
Still on Track
These past days have been fraught with so many issues that may have well thwarted all my valiant efforts in this huge challenge I am trying to overcome. Not only do I have physical injuries and pain to deal with but there has been the more mammoth and vastly more important death of our Queen Elizabeth. As with most of the world, my eyes and ears have been occupied by the coverage of all the events pertaining to and surrounding this sad passing of Her Majesty. Growing up in South Africa as I did, I never knew what it felt…
Love Cannot Be Weighed
Scales are usually symbolic in terms of the Scales of Justice; they are balance, equality, justice, and harmony. In terms of FISH, scales are likened to a suit of ARMOR, signifying protection. Umich.edu There is the biblical reference : Acts 9:18 NLT[18] Instantly something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he got up and was baptised . In the kitchen, scales are used for baking in particular, which requires the precision needed for exact quantities. Any budding pianist who takes their craft seriously, would need to practice endless scales to lay the framework for the…