I was listening to an interview with Brene Brown recently and a section of the podcast resonated so deeply with me . Brown spoke about the difference between ’ fitting in ’ versus ’ belonging ’. It struck me that for most of my life, I have felt uncomfortable in most situations and many times I have suffered from imposter syndrome. I feel such an abnormally strong need to prove my sincerity , to make it clear that I am not fake and that my responses are genuine. Which they are by the way. Why then do I think that…
CHALLENGING CHANGE
Dying flame or flickering candle?
I’m probably at the most critical point in my life. I feel that I am about to cross over that imperceptible line , the line that when you cross it, you are unaware you’ve crossed over but by which time it is too late anyway, you are lost forever. I feel that I am barely clinging on and quite frankly, I am terrified. I’m terrified because up until this point, I haven’t been able to change things or make a significant difference to my general malaise and constant quandary: how to escape this fortress that I have imprisoned myself in.…
SUFFER IN SILENCE?
“ A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears. “ Michel de Montaigne I’ve been thinking recently about the concept of suffering. I am a white, middle class woman and have never known what it is to experience hunger or homelessness. I have never been in a situation where I had no money to pay the rent or to feed my family. I have never been destitute or cast aside by my family and friends . I don’t know how it feels to belong to an ethnic minority being ostracised, persecuted or abused for my skin…
Affirmation
Find satisfaction in him who made you, and only then find satisfaction in yourself as part of his creation. Augustine
Lightbulb Moment
All along I have thought that the equation was: Self improvement = self liberation. I got it wrong. It’s the other way round.
WHAT IF?
I stop dwelling on my bad points and weaknesses? I believe there is positivity to be found in every situation? I can accept myself despite all my failures and inertia? I am able to discover changes within that I have refused to regard as significant? What if I don’t have to change so radially first to be able to accept myself? What if accepting myself is the only change I need right now ? What if loving myself is all that is required to place me on the first rung of that ladder to liberation? What if ? ………
WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED?
In my previous blog I wrote about the UK’s isolation from Europe courtesy of Brexit. How could I ever have predicted that this isolation would become universal and that what I feared for us Brits is being experienced across the entire globe. Oh, the irony. However, this pandemic will take its course and reach an end at some point in the future. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Brexit on the other hand is finite and has already been ordained and established and will be our immediate future possibly for generations to come. I also wrote that we cannot predict what…
ADIEU EUROPE
I’m trying hard not to think about it but I’ve had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I cannot ignore, try as I may. In a few hours, the UK will leave the European Union and Brexit will be official. After 3 and a half years of fighting, praying, incredulity, mental and emotional angst and turmoil, the day I had hoped would never come has arrived. It shatters all my beliefs and destroys my hopes and dreams for a united and peace-loving union between member states. I never fully realised until now how much of a…
COULD IT BE, continued
4 months ago I wrote that I was going to blog about my current journey of self discovery and recovery. I clearly didn’t abide by my own assurances and all I have now is the benefit of hindsight and the opportunity to reflect upon my behaviour and whether there have been any significant changes to my lifestyle and behaviour. In my most negative state, I could say that I have never been worse, that my stinking thinking and accusatory self-talk has escalated beyond all proportions and that I am chronically disappointed and furious with myself for being such an abysmal…
Dissonance or insolence?
My biggest bug-bear being noise, of which consideration is a vital and integral constituent, its natural that any affray would cause me much consternation and dismay. One of the main reasons for having a holiday house in France is to avail ourselves of the peace and quiet it purportedly has to offer. The constant barrage and onslaught of noise, pollution, congestion and the like that is London needs to be offset by some intermittent respite during the course of a year. France seemed to offer us the perfect antidote and solution. Am I therefore naïve or mistaken in this assumption?…