Well, it certainly isn’t Fiction. In fact, it’s too mind-numbingly tedious to be anything other than my own sad, sorry tale , best kept to myself and for myself. The Fact is this: I am so terrified, so filled with fear and self-loathing that I dare not think beyond the notion that I am attending my first therapy appointment tomorrow. It is the first positive thing I have done recently in the attempt to rid myself of this scourge that has blighted me all of my life but never worse than it’s been of late. I have little hope and…
Physical
Same old, same old
I can scarcely believe that it’s been 10 months since my last post. So much has been happening in my life and not in a good way either. I have not only moved house but I have moved into another area, outside of London where I lived these past 11 years. We have moved into a 523 year old house, on what must be the busiest road in the entire UK – We had no idea that it is the only route to towns and villages west of us and the noise is constant and incessant. Because the house is…
Dying flame or flickering candle?
I’m probably at the most critical point in my life. I feel that I am about to cross over that imperceptible line , the line that when you cross it, you are unaware you’ve crossed over but by which time it is too late anyway, you are lost forever. I feel that I am barely clinging on and quite frankly, I am terrified. I’m terrified because up until this point, I haven’t been able to change things or make a significant difference to my general malaise and constant quandary: how to escape this fortress that I have imprisoned myself in.…
FROZEN- figurative or literal ?
The word ‘ habit ‘ is sometimes a kinder terminology than ‘ addiction ‘. However, in my case, saying that I have habits is a form of denial because what I actually have is an addiction. This was never more apparent to me than this morning. I had already started to fret about my daily routine/ritual/call it what you will , last night. The tussle began whilst I was eating my dinner. I ‘ over-did ‘ it and ate, horrors of horrors, TWO poached eggs with my 4 brussel sprouts, 2 florets of broccoli, spoonful of corn and slice of butternut. Its…