4 months ago I wrote that I was going to blog about my current journey of self discovery and recovery. I clearly didn’t abide by my own assurances and all I have now is the benefit of hindsight and the opportunity to reflect upon my behaviour and whether there have been any significant changes to my lifestyle and behaviour. In my most negative state, I could say that I have never been worse, that my stinking thinking and accusatory self-talk has escalated beyond all proportions and that I am chronically disappointed and furious with myself for being such an abysmal…
Year: 2019
Dissonance or insolence?
My biggest bug-bear being noise, of which consideration is a vital and integral constituent, its natural that any affray would cause me much consternation and dismay. One of the main reasons for having a holiday house in France is to avail ourselves of the peace and quiet it purportedly has to offer. The constant barrage and onslaught of noise, pollution, congestion and the like that is London needs to be offset by some intermittent respite during the course of a year. France seemed to offer us the perfect antidote and solution. Am I therefore naïve or mistaken in this assumption?…
INVALUABLE
Lord, thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older. Keep me from getting too talkative, and thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken. Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy; thou knowest, Lord, that what I want most is a few friends at the end. Unknown
COULD IT BE?
I decided to post my last entry that was actually written in March and not on today’s date, the 25th June. I think I would have posted it anyway but the sentiment of hope that I clung onto in the post has crystallised and grown through my recent behaviour and somewhat tentative progress. All the while, writing these posts these past years, I have been acutely aware that talking about issues without the practical implementation of those wants and needs , is fundamentally useless. If I desire to change and in so doing to perhaps help or influence others with…
THE END IS NIGH?
Its quite embarrassing when I glance over some of my previous blogs only to confirm that nothing has changed and I’m still a prisoner to my addictive, ritualistic behaviour. Despite being severely challenged and receiving painful and costly physical wake-up calls, yet still I persist in this inexplicable, damaging and self-limiting behaviour. My expertise in avoidance has been exemplary. Coupled with this are life altering events that have occurred since I last wrote a Post but for how long can I milk these recent challenges as a means for not dealing with my very real and chronic ongoing behaviour? I…