Today was a horrible day. Alongside this weight gain challenge are other hardships and parts of my life that I am trying to negotiate and this morning turned into an emotional issue with members of my family ( unrelated to my ED ) – all resolved, but leaving me with the mother of all headaches that I struggled with the whole day. I suffer from migraines and headaches anyway, but I also injured my cervical vertebrae when lifting my heavy bike to get it through a doorway. I took painkillers all day, applied heat patches and ibuprofen gel to the…
Month: September 2022
Day 3 and 4
I made the fatal error of weighing myself first thing on Day 3. In 2 short days, I have leapt from 44.1 kgs to 45.4 kgs and being entirely honest, my reaction hasn’t been good. In that split second of looking down at the scale, all my fears were confirmed. I am immediately telling myself that this is what I fear most, this enormous gain after only 2 days and therefore I have already lost control and it will just continue spiralling at an astronomical rate etc etc. I then had the tussle between knowing that I had to eat…
Day Two
I will try not to bore anyone silly with long lists of the food choices I make every day. If I find an interesting recipe or devise one that I think tastes great , then I will post it. I want to write more about the internal struggles I face and how things affect me both psychologically and physically. Suffice it to say, I am feeling very uncomfortable today. One of the nicer aspects of being thin is that clothes hang loosely on the body and trousers and skirts are seldom too tight . When one’s stomach is empty, there…
Day One
Feeling excited to start this challenge having reached the conclusion that it is no longer feasible, advantageous or comfortable for me to remain in this limbo of semi-starvation – a prisoner of choices that are causing ructions and distress amongst members of my family because of the way my ED affects them. Some of them laid down the gauntlet and whilst not offering me an ultimatum, inferred that they would prefer me to at least make an effort to change some of the behaviours that they felt were impacting upon them. Of course there is part of me that would…
Fully Paid Up Member
I was listening to an interview with Brene Brown recently and a section of the podcast resonated so deeply with me . Brown spoke about the difference between ’ fitting in ’ versus ’ belonging ’. It struck me that for most of my life, I have felt uncomfortable in most situations and many times I have suffered from imposter syndrome. I feel such an abnormally strong need to prove my sincerity , to make it clear that I am not fake and that my responses are genuine. Which they are by the way. Why then do I think that…