Feeling excited to start this challenge having reached the conclusion that it is no longer feasible, advantageous or comfortable for me to remain in this limbo of semi-starvation – a prisoner of choices that are causing ructions and distress amongst members of my family because of the way my ED affects them. Some of them laid down the gauntlet and whilst not offering me an ultimatum, inferred that they would prefer me to at least make an effort to change some of the behaviours that they felt were impacting upon them. Of course there is part of me that would…
rituals
THE MIRROR CRACKED
Why is it that I can be so utterly dedicated and disciplined when it comes to my dietary subsistence and yet so rubbish at all other forms of discipline? Take this blog as an example. I have established to myself that I love to write, that it ticks several boxes for me. Whether I have any talent or not is a moot point. My subject matter should be irrelevant as long as I am actually writing. However, this leads me to question whether my dominant preoccupation with self and my obsession with food-related issues is a two-edged sword. It gives…
DEVOTION
I am still not prepared to make the full and final commitment to implimenting the practical steps that I need to take to elicit the changes I am seeking. I need to be upfront and transparent about the process otherwise the whole point of this blog and writing about my struggles will be worthless and a waste of time. However, what is changing is my recognition and awareness of my problem that is almost becoming a daily reminder. I am trying to discipline myself first in my commitment to posting on my blog and hopefully this process will set the…
PANDORA’S BOX
I loathe shopping. I especially dislike shopping inside a large mall. After about an hour I lose the will to live. There is however, one exception and that is shopping for food. I am passionate about this pastime. I get this feeling of total euphoria, a zone of inner contentment that borders on obsessional. My interest is especially piqued when I am in a foreign country or in an unfamiliar or uncharted food market. I can literally spend hours wandering the aisles not just looking at the merchandise but as a paying consumer, happy to spend a small fortune on…
READ ALL ABOUT IT!
I’ve just been to the library. As a child, this was where I found my solace, my nourishment and my escape. Without a father and with an absent mother, I would spend hours wandering between the shelves, the smell of old books pervading my nostrils and the silence strangely comforting. Without the distraction of television and well before the advent of social media and technology, books ( and the occasional film ) were the only means of escaping into a world of fantasy . Through reading and books I learned how to numb myself , to remove myself from reality…