What does it take to finally elicit change? How many warnings, negative incidents, anxiety fuelled moments of panic and despair do we need to experience before we let go of unhealthy practices? Why do we self-sabotage our lives until we reach a point of desperation? Do we have to reach that point before we are ready to implement radical measures to undo past behaviour? These are all questions that lie unanswered because I think it’s different for all people. Just as a conversion to faith may be instantaneous and dramatic for some, it can be more subtle and gradual for others. However, I think that there will be a point in one’s life when one comes to a radical decision and it will always be based on past experiences. Of course it would be great if that decision was taken early in life so that one has a long and bright future to look forward to. Even if that desire to change comes at the end of one’s life, this is infinitely better than reaching a point in life when one gives up simply because one has lost hope and just doesn’t care anymore. Unless we have something to strive for, life would seem pointless and bleak.
The need for change MUST be because YOU want it. It will never come about solely for the sake of others. Whilst one’s desire may be to please others because of the way one’s behaviour affects them, yet this can never be enough for a genuine and sustainable change. It has to be because you have come to this decision, in whatever way you arrived at this momentous realisation. Of course , the decision may be the easiest part of the process – the actual practical ways and methods of change will no doubt be fraught with failings and back-sliding. One cannot undo habits of a lifetime in a moment. We may make the decision to change on our own, but the road ahead could be made easier with help and support. This is why I feel it is a good idea to talk about it, to be open and transparent and to admit to my weaknesses and vulnerabilities . In so doing, I may encounter others with similar issues . There is strength in numbers as well as encouragement and support . We all crave affirmation but we fear being vulnerable or regarded as not being perfect. We face the world with a veneer of self-confidence whilst inside we are crumbling. Yet this attitude of seeming perfection isn’t always met with positive feedback so why do we adopt it? Who is it that we are really trying to please? Why is pleasing others considered so important and more important than being someone who is comfortable in their own skin and accepting of self?
I think I have a long way to go………
