As has happened numerous times in my life, more times than I could ever calculate, my desire to successfully implement and execute the desire to follow a programme or challenge to myself has backfired. It was all a bit of a damp squib. Not that the earnest desire and good intentions weren’t genuine. They always are but in the end, everything I set out to do takes a backseat to my obsession with food, my rituals and my repeated behaviour.
I’m talking specifically about the 30 day Kindness Challenge and the 7 day Kindness quest I set myself. In the first instance: I am still receiving emails with daily suggestions of ways that I can be kind to someone ( in my case, I chose my husband ). At first, I read the emails and convinced myself that the suggestions they offered I was already doing and I am not even opening the emails anymore. Regarding the latter challenge – where I wanted to make contact with at least one person everyday over a 7 day period, showing them kindness in a real and practical way, – this was way harder than I imagined. I started off well by calling an elderly acquaintance who has Parkinson’s and has moved away from London and with whom I had lost contact. She sounded pleased to hear from me and that someone cared enough to call her. The next day, I couldn’t think of anyone to contact so I tried to be kind by having an exchange with the sales assistant in my local supermarket. Thereafter, besides some random , brief exchanges with people begging on the street ( sometimes requiring no more effort than dropping some coins in their collection receptacles )or complimenting someone , it has all sadly fizzled out.
There was one instance where my plan to be kind didn’t quite work out the way I had hoped it would. I was on the bus and adjacent to me was a mum with her young daughter. The little girl was delightful and spoke beautifully to her mother and they were having a charming conversation about how to access people who lived on upper floors of a building. I could hear the mother gently encouraging her daughter by engaging with her in such a positive way. As I stood to alight at the next stop, I put my hand on the mother’s arm and congratulated her ( not sure if this is the right word?) for the way she was raising such a delightful daughter. Honestly, the look the woman gave me was one of indignation/horror/incredulity/mistrust – you would have thought I had just physically assaulted and verbally insulted her. All my good intentions were crushed in a split second and I scrambled for the door to escape with urgent haste.
Silly example, I know and not significant enough to elicit a complete withdrawal from my pledge but none-the-less strong enough to make me cautious and less eager to approach someone in the future. Sad isn’t it, that we live in a world where people are fearful. Fearful to listen/accept/delight in something freely given, with no requirement from the recipient other than to feel the blessing from the giver. Fearful to give such a blessing in case it gets misconstrued or rejected.
I cannot use this as an excuse or let this deter or prevent me from continuing with the desire to spread some kindness. This would be too convenient. I have to instead perhaps change my approach or the ways that I choose to hopefully make a difference. Yet again, small steps but always in a forward direction.
