If I had straight hair, I would have swum more in the sea, in rivers, lakes and pools. I would have gone kayaking, white-river rafting, definitely spent more time on speedboats or open-top cars. I could have been an Olympic swimmer, a surfer-chick, worked with animals in rain-forests or lived in Seattle. I would have been more impulsive and impetuous, would definitely have ventured outside more and I wouldn’t have made certain choices based around the weather forecast.
If my hair was straight I wouldn’t have to spend half of my allotted baggage weight allowance on hair-dryers and straighteners. I wouldn’t have to look like someone going to the ball from the neck down and a dodgy character with a mismatched beanie on her head from the neck up. I wouldn’t have to invest in strange head-gear designed to keep the damp and the frizz out and the hair ironed within an inch of its life, within.
If my hair was dead straight I could have spent time in the rain-forest section of the Eden Project, time in saunas , steam-rooms and indoor swimming complexes. I would have walked in the rain without panicking because I have left my brolly at home. I wouldn’t have the credentials of a meteorologist and the uncanny ability to sniff out precipitation days before its predicted. I could wash my hair whenever I feel like it and let it towel dry instead of needing to schedule a specified time allowance ( like half my life ) for the dreaded hair-straightening routine.
If I didn’t straighten it, it would scare the neighbours and upset children. People sitting behind me at the theatre/in church/at the movies wouldn’t be able to see the stage/screen. My husband wouldn’t be able to see oncoming traffic from the passenger side. Birds would hover above and check out the nest potential. I’d have to watch out for low branches and Velcro , birthday candles and electric fans.
Crowning glory? Sod all that. I’ve been wondering lately if I have a nicely shaped head…….
