Here I am, a month since my last posting and no further along the track but still very firmly on the road. I have been beset by setbacks. Would you believe that the pain that I was experiencing and wrote about is not only still very apparent and persistent but that I have an added problem to deal with – namely the ongoing teeth saga that I mentioned. I have known for some time that there is an area above my front tooth that was a disaster waiting to happen. Its a cyst that has formed at the base of the root and has eroded the bone in that area. As soon as I arrived back from France I consulted an implant specialist with an eye towards having both of the teeth on that side extracted and replaced with implants. As luck would have it, the specialist is not happy to go ahead with the procedure due to the lack of bone needed to support an implant. I left this surgery with my wallet considerably lighter and a further appointment booked in 7 weeks time ( I kid you not ) so that he can tell me ( for another exorbitant fee ) what he has decided to do. On this score, I find it so wrong that these specialists charge a fortune for a mere consultation and you have to pay this fee regardless whether they can help you or not. Something needs to be done to regulate private practice fees as when one is vulnerable , in pain or desperately needing treatment, you are forced to pay any fee for any service that you hope can help you.
Subsequent to this consultation this shady area in the mouth decided it was time to rear its ugly head and for the past 10 days I have had not only the pain in my spine, but severe toothache alongside it. I have literally been chewing painkillers like sweets, have taken antibiotics and have reached the point of despair. If the offending teeth were placed in the back of my mouth I would have had no hesitation in asking for them to be extracted but they are my front 2 teeth and I just cannot entertain having a toothless gap in my mouth. This is simply unthinkable and I could never accept or deal with this. I have always had good looking teeth ( despite the disaster that they are ) and a good smile , its what defines me in a way. Problem is, that they cannot even place a bridge in that area because of the neighbouring teeth and the fact that they cannot support a bridge. I need help urgently but right now, the only current option is a possible apicoectomy where the root of the tooth is entered into surgically through the back of the tooth and the inflamed tissue and root of the tooth is removed whilst leaving the top of the tooth in place. At the same time the endodontist could either do a bone graft or pack a bone-building substance into the cavity in the hope that it will adhere to the exisiting bone thus enabling an implant to be placed in the future. My current problem and what is delaying the need for an urgent solution is that I am waiting for the impant specialist to contact the endodontist so that they can collate their opinions and formulate a plan. I have been trying to chase them for nearly a week now and this is proving nigh impossible. The only person I can go through is the one’s secretary and she doesn’t seem particularly motivated or interested and so where does this leave me??? Its all a sorry mess and a long-winded way of explaining why I haven’t been writing or posting .
Back to my weight gain challenge : Despite these setbacks and the fact that eating is decidedly problematic – as everything that touches the one tooth is excruciating, even talking is problematic , I have managed to maintain the weight gain from before and am still sitting on 46.5 kgs. After weighing myself this morning, I had none of the misgivings, panic or negative responses of the past . I think this is down to a few things. Firstly, when one is in pain , everything takes on a different meaning and one reacts differently to things because one is so invested in the pain that all else takes a back seat. Secondly, I know that the more weight I have on me, the better equipped I will be to tackle the things that I have to face and thirdly, I almost feel relieved and a small sense of pride that I haven’t slipped back again as is the norm. The incentive is to keep going and as soon as the pain starts subsiding and the problem is addressed and hopefully fixed , I want to ramp up my eating so that I can put on further weight. I believe that this is not a hollow desire but genuine given that I’m not back at 44 kgs and failing completely.
This has been a laborious and deadly dull post but it serves to update things, explain my current situation and it gives me clarity and focus which will hopefully help me (if of little benefit to anyone else).
Life most definitely isn’t for sissies and each day presents a set of challenges that we have to face. However, when those hardships are clouded with pain, its a whole different ballgame and it requires so much strength and courage to endure and look forward. I keep having to remind myself of my blessings amidst the pain and to think of those who are suffering and in pain through a terminal illness. How hard must that be? Yet pain is relative and one’s circumstances are particular to each individual . Comparing oneself to others places a leveller on things but is not helpful in alleviating or reducing one’s own anxiety or suffering. We each have to live our lives as best we can and to be grateful for another day, no matter what the day holds in store, good or bad. Just being alive is to be mortal and within the framework of each day, we have to attempt to make the best of it , hindered or not. Sooooo hard sometimes when all one wants to do is to climb into bed and bury one’s head under the blanket ( I don’t do duvets ).
Darkness is only good and appropriate for sleeping. Choosing darkness over light does not bear good fruits. We have to try to always seek the light even when our vision is obscured by impending clouds.
